you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
