we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
