cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
