I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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