in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
