Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
