Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
