you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
