We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
