I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
