Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
