My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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