A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
