dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if only i could text you this smell
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
