Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
