Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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