How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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