that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
this is an emotional support booty call
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have post one night stand depression
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