Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
