david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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