We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
