Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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