I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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