You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
