I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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