3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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