Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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