happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
