And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
