Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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