"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would fuck him just for his dog
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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