Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
