Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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