I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was born a porn star she said
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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