Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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