i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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