we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
