I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
