Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
