:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
