He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
