I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want to make out with him forever
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
