I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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