I am in a vortex of obligation.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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