I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you win again, gameday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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