On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
