I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
