I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
