It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
