i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
